Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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