today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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