Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
