She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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