Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
