Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
