her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
