I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
