i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
