He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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