well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
