i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
