Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
