i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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