3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The uberlube is also flammable
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
