oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
