I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
