I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
