And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
