Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
