there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
