so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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