You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
