You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
