6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
