before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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