nut hugger
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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