even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
