There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
