don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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