and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
