She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
