She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
