meet me or not, i'm out of control
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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