The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
