tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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