Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I cannot find my penis.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
