2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
