You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
