Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
