Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
