I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We are all done wearing pants today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
