she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
