I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
