Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
