you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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