Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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