hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
