in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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