Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
