my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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