Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
