all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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