it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
