Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
