PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
